Various Delectables

What is happening to me? And is it worthy to even wonder what, or why? There are only more questions. If anything I've learned that. That there are only questions and pain, questions and pain. Questions cause pain, and questions can comfort pain. They can comfort pain because questions provide hope, somewhere to go, a journey which has promise. 

Answers are solid and immobile. What to do with an answer? A heavy moldy answer filled with years of shit and decay. Answers are always heavy. But can answers change? If the question changes does the answer change? Can perception change? Sure, perception can change, but can truth change? Can situations change? If truth is not a fixed thing, if truth is also perception... how to find another perception, another perspective? How to find a nicer rock to sit on? That's all it is, comfort, trying to find comfort. But comfort is boring. Ay, there's the rub. I am sad and angry, but is it all futile. Living without expressing is futile and useless and a waste of time. Everything is an expression. Non-expression is an expression. 

Twitter, Facebook, blogs, it's all about expression. People crave expression, people need expression, but we're all so fucking bad at it. Isn't that strange? One of the most essential desires for human kind and we suck at it. Well, we don't suck per se, but we're inefficient. Twitter is a useful tool no doubt, (revolution!) but it is a pathetic substitute for REAL COMMUNICATION, whether that be through conversation, visual or performing arts, crafts or trades, fashion, or otherwise. 

Fashion. Fashion. Fashion is useful for expression but so quickly turns into a status issue, a signifier of so many things except authentic personality. People love haut-couteur because it's crazy and wild and reveals something about it's designers-even if we're not sure what that actually is.

I have a hunger but it’s not for food. Not sure what it is. Am I just lonely? Is it that simple? It usually is. No, that’s not true. It’s 20 years of weird complications that can’t be fixed. Or is it just boredom. I don’t think I can believe that anything is ever simple.

I don’t know how to edit this. I’ll just heave it out into the world and see what happens. I want to be brave and hide nothing but I also fear seeming careless.